Information for Perpetrators

Although the MAL is primarily aimed at supporting male victims, we regularly recieve calls from men who are concerned, or have concerns, about their own abusive behaviour and violence towards their partners and/or children.

If you would like to speak to someone about your behaviour, please contact Respect on 0845 122 8609 (Monday and Friday 10am-1pm and 2pm-5pm, Wednesday and Tuesday 10am-1pm and 2pm-8pm). Website: www.respect.uk.net

Perpetrator Programmes

Victims of violence are not the only people that need help - those responsible are usually desperate to change. If you are such a person here is an overview of what help is available to you - and what will be covered if you refer to a suitable programme.

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Overview of Perpetrator Programmes

Victims of violence are not the only people that need help- those responsible are usually desperate to change. If you a such a person here is an overview of what help is available to you- and what will be covered if you refer to a suitable programme.

Perpetrator programmes are designed to help men to change their behaviour and develop respectful, non-abusive relationships. Most perpetrator programmes work with men and occasionally with women.

They're usually small groups of 8-15 men who have been violent or abusive in a current or previous relationship. They generally include a wide range of men of all races, classes and backgrounds.

What do perpetrator programmes involve?

The groups are usually run by two or three experienced group-workers - at least one man and at least one woman. There are many different programmes across the UK, and the content will vary, but on the whole they will cover these issues:

• What is violence and abuse?
• Understanding why I'm violent.
• Learning that I am in control of my own behaviour and can choose not to be violent.
• Taking responsibility for my behaviour, without blaming others or minimising it.
• Understanding the impact of violence and abuse on my partner and children.
• Learning how to notice when I am becoming abusive - and how to stop.
• Learning different, non-abusive ways of dealing with difficulties in my relationship.
• Dealing non-abusively with my partner's anger.
• Recognising how I get wound up - and learning how to wind myself down.
• Negotiation and listening - how to build a respectful relationship
• Some groups are discussion based, but most use a variety of interactive exercises to make the learning realistic, stimulating and relevant to men's own situations.
• Most programmes will have a check-in round where each man is asked to report any violence or abuse he has used since the last group and any difficulties or problems in his relationship he wants to raise. The emphasis of this round, as with the whole programme, should be on safety.

How long do they last for?

Programmes will differ in length and content, but Respect's guidelines recommend the following:

• Changing behaviour is a long-term process - especially for someone who has used violence and abuse for a long time. Programmes should be at least 75 hours - usually this will mean that each client attends at least 24 weekly sessions of 2-3 hours.
• Each group session will have a particular theme (see the list above). Some themes will last over several weeks.
• Some groups will be closed - this means that all the clients join at the same time and complete the group together. Others will be rolling programmes - where there is a constant influx of new clients who join every 4-6 weeks.

How can you join?

Some programmes take men who self-refer, some take men who are mandated to attend by the courts as part of a probation order, or as a recommendation from the family courts. Respect will be able to tell you which programmes take self-referrals.

Men who refer themselves will generally meet with a worker for an assessment interview. This is to enable both the worker and the client to check that the programme is suitable and to sign a contract. Once a man is accepted onto a programme he will usually join a group at the next intake session.

How can I find out about perpetrator programmes in my local area?

Unfortunately, not every area in the UK has a perpetrator programme. For details on the nearest programme to you, call the Respect Phoneline, a service run by Respect – the UKassociation for domestic violence perpetrator programmes and associated support services – on 0845 122 8609 Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and 2pm to 8pm or go to www.respect.uk.net. The phoneline is an information line and does not provide counselling or emotional support.

What about support for women?

Any woman whose partner or ex-partner is attending a domestic violence perpetrator programme will have experienced some level of violence or abuse and for most this will have been over a long time.

It is extremely important that these women are offered support to help them deal with the often devastating effects of this violence. Most perpetrator programmes offer (and Respect recommends) a separate and confidential support service for the women partners and ex-partners of the men they are working with.

Do the programmes work?

It is the man himself who is responsible for his behaviour - no programme can guarantee that he will / has changed or will be safe. Unfortunately it's impossible to predict exactly which men will change and which won't - or how much. Some will change a lot, some a bit and some not at all.

As there are no guarantees about which men will change, it is crucial that the focus of programmes is not on men changing, but on women and children being safer. So, even if he doesn't change, the perpetrator programme can ensure that steps are taken to protect his partner by working closely with the women's support service and other agencies.

How are perpetrator programmes different from anger management groups?

Anger management groups usually teach short-term techniques to help individuals modify their reactions to chronic feelings of anger, whereas domestic violence perpetrator programmes are targeted at those who have a problem with violence towards their partner. While many abusive men describe themselves as having a problem controlling their anger, in cases of domestic violence anger is not the issue.

• Domestic violence perpetrators are extremely selective about who they behave violently towards and the level of severity of that violence. They might feel angry at their boss, their father, their partner - but only choose to use violence against their partner. Rather than being out of control, their behaviour is about controlling.
• Not all of men's violence is about anger. Abusive men learn to label all powerful emotional states as anger, when in fact they also experience more vulnerable feelings of fear, hurt, powerlessness and betrayal.
• So for example if she has come home late he might feel a mixture of feelings - worry, upset, jealousy - as well as anger. Perpetrator programmes explore the underlying emotions and thoughts at the time of an assault rather than address control of the mislabelled anger.