Frontline workers
Male victims of domestic violence
Men and women can both be victims of domestic violence and abuse. Men can experience severe levels of physical and emotional abuse. We need to encourage men experiencing domestic violence to reach out for help and find ways to support them that meet their needs.
Men's experiences of domestic violence
Men calling the Men's Advice Line as victims report a wide range of abusive behaviours experienced:
Physical abuse, intimidation and threats
- Being threatened with violence by a perpetrator, if they don't do what the perpetrator wants them to do or if they do things the perpetrator doesn't want
- Being threatened that the perpetrator will involve friends and family to abuse him
- Being slapped, pushed, kicked and other forms of physical violence
- Being threatened that the perpetrator will call police as a victim
- Being threatened with being reported as perpetrator to Children's Services
- Being threatened with other legal proceedings
- Being denied access to medical care/medicine(s) etc.
- Being put in fear by looks, actions, gestures
- Having personal items, family heirlooms, computer etc. smashed or broken
- Being told that nobody will believe him because he is a man
- Being threatened with knives and other weapons
- Being told if he tries to leave he will never see the children again
- Being denied sleep or being attacked whilst he is asleep
Emotional abuse
- Being put down and made to feel bad about himself
- Being humiliated
- Being called names
- Having mind-games played on him
- Being made to feel guilty and to blame for abuse
- Experiencing ‘the silent treatment', being ignored
- Being told he is crazy
- Being told that he is not the father of their child(ren)
Using isolation
- Control over what he does, who he sees, what he reads, who he talks to
- Having social life, friends, hobbies restricted or stopped
- Being constantly accused of having affairs, looking at women, resulting in his being afraid to go out or talk to anyone for fear of the consequences
Using the children
- Receiving abusive messages from perpetrator via the children
- Being excluded from activities with children
- Being belittled for attempts to care for the children
Minimising, denial and blame
- Being told that the abuse didn't happen or wasn't that bad
- Injuries not taken seriously
- Being told he was responsible for abuse, that he deserved or caused it
There are other ways men calling the Men's Advice Line report being abused, including financial and sexual abuse.
Scope of work with male victims
Organisations offering or developing services for male victims need to encourage men experiencing domestic violence to ask for help and find ways to support them tailored to meet their needs. Our experience of working with more than four thousand callers on the Men's Advice Line in the last three years (2007, 2008 and 2009) indicates the following:
Agencies working with/responding to male victims need to be familiar with the range of legal rights and support services available and be able to describe these. It is important that service providers use a range of sources of information to help them keep this data up to date and accurate.
Male and female victims of domestic violence and abuse do not have the same experiences and needs. For example, male victims on the Men's Advice Line rarely report post-separation abuse of the intensity common to many female victims. Also, sexual abuse tends to be less common for male victims whereas it is an integral part of the abuse experienced by many female victims.
There is value in both male and female staff working with male victims: evaluation of the Men's Advice Line show it is the quality of the listening and the willingness to support male victims that matters more than the sex of the worker. However, it is the policy of the Men's Advice Line that where a male victim would rather speak to a male member of staff (or even a female one for that matter) we will do our best to accommodate this request - we appreciate some men may not feel comfortable speaking to a woman about sexual abuse experienced for example.
Organisations offering services to male victims need to publicise these services in ways relevant to men, taking into consideration that many men will seek help via the internet before attempting to call a helpline or speak to someone face-to-face. We believe that generic, gender-neutral leaflets and publications will not give men (or women) the confidence that a service is right for them.
Organisations working with male victims need to gather demographic and other information to establish the need and nature of services for male victims in different parts of the country, to further understand what it is that men need and how to provide it and to help develop public policy.
Organisations working with male victims need to be aware of the fact that some clients will access services for victims when: there is no domestic violence/abuse (for example, they are in an unhappy relationship and they are upset or aggrieved); they are the main/sole aggressor in the relationship or there is mutual violence and abuse in their relationship. Services working with male victims need to assess the needs of their clients (including children's, if relevant), to understand the level of risk and who is at risk in order to offer the most appropriate service.
Services for male victims
Men experiencing domestic violence and abuse will benefit from advocacy/outreach services specific to them. This means that a service should not be gender-neutral as men and women have different needs. New funding should be made available, rather than re-directing funding from other services.
Men in same-sex relationships tend to report higher levels of violence than heterosexual men and for that reason they may need more services[1]. Organisations need to be aware of the different dynamics in same-sex relationships and the added barriers to these clients in accessing help.
BAMER clients also experience additional barriers to accessing help. Organisations need to be aware of this when planning services for male victims. The Men's Advice Line has access to telephone interpreters for clients whose first language is not English. Immigration problems are often also an issue.
Emergency accommodation and housing options
Evidence from the Men's Advice Line suggests that emergency accommodation (or refuge) is not something that many callers ask for.[2] Those requesting refuges are referred to one of the six refuges we know exist. It is important to continue to provide refuge accommodation for men but it is difficult to quantify how much (a direct comparison with refuges for female victims is not helpful as, although there are hundreds of them across the country, there is no guarantee on any given day that a woman will be able to access one - current provision is not adequate). One recommendation is that hostels, bedsits and social housing are fully utilised for male victims, provided steps can be taken to ensure male victims will be safe in them.
[1] The Dyn Project has reported on this: The Dyn Project: Supporting Men Experiencing Domestic Abuse, Final Evaluation Report, Dr Amanda Robinson and Mr James Rowlands, December 2006
[2] Men's Advice Line: in 2009, out of 1659 ‘signposting actions' 462 clients were signposted to a legal advice centre, 266 to the Police and/or Community Safety Unit, 153 to a housing advice agency for housing matters other than emergency accommodation (refuge), 135 to individual counselling and 47 to a refuge for men.